My version of one of our Internal Job Openings:

DESKTOP ANALYSTS

PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITIES:

Installs, configures and maintains PC hardware and operating systems. <-- Ragnarok pwede?

Analyzes and resolves problems associated with PC hardware, desktop operating system, printers, and basic networking. <--tagapalit ng ink and paper pra s HR

Installs PC peripherals and other related items. <--dakilang taga screw ng PC

Keeps track of IT asset inventory by monitoring issuance of laptops, printers, and desktops to the different users. <-- hindi pwedeng maguwi ng peripherals? syet.

Coordinates with the vendors the repair and replacement of HW and SW that are related to desktops and printers. <-- benta ng pirated

Provides full support and trouble shooting for desktops and laptops, 7x24. <--balak na tayong patayin, parang si Kuya Germs, WALANG TULUGAN!!!!

Generates reports related to IT asset inventory, HW repair and SW licenses. <--labas natin taga lista lang

Meets and exceeds IT service levels with internal users. <-- "Hello HELPDESK, bakit hindi ko ma access yung
Friendster?"

Additional skills (nice to have): knowledge of Cisco routers, switches and/or firewalls; SMS use and package design; Microsoft Terminal Server or Citrix. <--he he malabo to, pwede Audience Impact na lang? Pwede ba dyan Drawing, singing and dancing?

Guard na lang kaya, at least taga bantay ka lang ng DTR, pwede ka pang mag YM! bwahahahaha! ^____^